In between being asleep and Awakening

One of the most annoying things of the past few months was that I couldn’t understand why I’ve been so happy and aware but I couldn’t hold on to it. I experienced so much happiness the last two years, my life changed drastically and I thought that there would never be a going back to the asleep state of mind, where I would have these silly thoughts and emotions that take away all the joy of life. Still I did fall back but I now see what happened and where I am today.

What I wrote in ‘Reality Check’:

More awareness definitely changed me, so many things indicate that this is, for me, the right path. I live more naturally, spontaneously, joyfully. I love things I never loved before, simple things like eating and cooking. Seriously, I never enjoyed it and thought it was a waste time. In my previous life, I couldn’t get out of bed, didn’t want to because my bed was to comfortable. Now, I don’t need an alarm clock and I get up around 6 every day, can you believe it. And so there are many more indicators for me that I actually enjoy life more and that I am becoming more aware.

I asked myself the last few weeks how could all that happen, so beautiful and then fall back in stupid behavior. Now I realize that this is normal, I still have my Ego/Mind but through meditation I am moving away from it. Like  Osho describes it is how I experience it. I am in a transitory state, moving away from my sleep towards awakening. I can not expect to be free of all conditioning yet, obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t have been writing this right now ;).

Back in the here and now, fully enjoying the simple things I have right now, being happy and all I would like to tell you; don’t worry, never worry just try to be aware, believe in yourself, go your own way doesn’t matter what but try to be aware.

Again some beautiful wisdom from the legacy of Osho I would like to share with you, it helped and still helps me a lot, hope it helps you too:

WHAT ARE PLEASURE , JOY AND BLISS ?
This moment is all. Now is the only time and here is the only space.
And then suddenly the whole sky drops into you.
This is bliss. This is REAL happiness……

“It depends on people what can be called happiness. To the sleeping, pleasurable sensations are happiness. He lives from one pleasure to another pleasure. He is just rushing from one sensation to another sensation. He lives for small thrills. His life is very superficial; it has no depth, it has no quality. He lives in the world of quantity.

Then the people who are in between, who are neither asleep nor awake, who are just in a limbo, a little bit asleep, a little bit awake. You sometimes have that experience in the early morning: still sleepy, but you can’t say you are asleep because you can hear the noise in the house, your wife preparing tea, the noise of the samovar or the milkman at the door or children getting ready to go to school. You can hear these things, but still you are not awake. Vaguely, dimly these noises reach to you, as if there is a great distance between you and all that is happening around you. It feels as if it is still a part of the dream. It is not a part of the dream, but you are in a state of in-between.

The same happens when you start meditating. The non-meditator sleeps, dreams; the meditator starts moving away from his sleep towards awakening. He is in a transitory state. Then happiness has a totally different meaning: it becomes more of a quality, less of a quantity; it is more psychological, less physiological. He enjoys music more, he enjoys poetry more, he enjoys creating something. He enjoys nature, its beauty. He enjoys silence. He enjoys what he had never enjoyed before, and this is far more lasting.

Even if the music stops, something goes on lingering in you. And it is not a relief.

The difference between pleasure and THIS happiness is: it is not a relief, it is an enrichment. You become more full, you become a little overflowing. Listening to good music, something is triggered in your being, a harmony arises in you — you become musical. Or dancing, suddenly you forget your body; your body becomes weightless.

The grip of gravitation over you is lost. Suddenly you are in a different space: the ego is not so solid, the dancer melts and merges into the dance. This is far higher, far deeper than the joy that you gain from food or sex. This has a depth. But this is also not the ultimate.

The ultimate happens only when you are fully awake, when you are a Buddha, when all sleep is gone and all dreaming is gone, when your whole being is full of light, when there is no darkness within you. All darkness has disappeared and with that darkness, the ego is gone. All tensions have disappeared, all anguish, all anxiety. You are in a state of total contentment. You live in the present; no past, no future anymore. You are utterly here-now.

This moment is all. Now is the only time and here is the only space.
And then suddenly the whole sky drops into you.
This is bliss. This is REAL happiness. “
OSHO
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 10, Chapter #10 – 1 March 1980 am in Buddha Hall

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