Hey fellow travelers!
It’s been a really interesting week and a half so far. 12 days ago I left Spain to go to Liechtenstein. Driven by a force in me that was in desperate need for some sense in this madness. A few weeks before I left I found this website International School of Tantra and I knew I had to do something with it. I contacted them and they offered me to live with them in Liechtenstein to give me the opportunity to learn about Tantra/myself and in exchange I work for them, so today I would like to share with you what happened so far.
You can imagine going to a new country, to live with new people with an alternative lifestyle the mind has a lot of opportunities to go doing what it is doing best …..creating expectations. Although I am pretty good at being aware of that and minimize it by just living day by day and see what is coming, I have to admit I had some mental images of how it would be. Living with ‘spiritual’ people who have been living, practicing and teaching Tantra all over the world for about 20 years gave me the image of living with enlightened people with no worries, love & peace. Images of some kind of an ashram where people live in a community and meditate, dance and sing all day. Also a few people were asking me are you going to walk around naked all day and indulge in sex orgies, lol …….
Well, from the moment I arrived here it was none of that. Martin & Maria live a seemingly ‘normal’ life, in an ‘average’ house in Liechtenstein, raising a 16 year old. Well, I have to admit they are happy people and laugh a lot but on the surface they are just like you and me, humans lol. I was told for the first week not do anything and just go with the family life and get to know each other. Obviously we spoke a lot about life. Most of the time I spoke with Martin. I needed to find out whom I was dealing with; Could he really help me, what is his background, philosophy? Of course I wanted to show him how ‘far’ I am and who I really am. This lead to a few interesting things he said which I didn’t expect. The things he said over and over again: “Tantra is dead, is nothing, I am interested in you and what do you want”, and “I am not interested in teaching you spirituality, I am interested in Vincent and what he wants to become”. Well, I got a bit confused and annoyed by that because I think I already see who I am and want to live in the here and now and just BE. Works great no goals or ambition for the future, no expectations leads to being in the present moment and like many mystics say, that’s all you need to be happy. So this guy tells we what do you want to become…….??? So going back and forth like this for a few days at the end Martin told me this is not gonna work. He couldn’t help me cause if I don’t want to become anything then now is perfect so no help is needed…………. ok, this got me back on earth and realized that I needed some time on my own and started walking in the beautiful forest mountains here……..
To keep a long story short, I realized what he was saying. I have to be me and start living me, whatever that maybe. So I asked myself the question what do I want to become that I can’t do myself? This question has two answers. First I want to become a person who is free from his past ‘hurts’ to become completely free, alive and loving. The second answer is not so easy. Who do I want to become or what do I have to do with my life? Well that answer is still in progress I’ll get back to that later. The main thing is that I know I’ve had many ‘hurt’ moments in my life, which I nicely put away in a little box far far away. My life the past years have been tremendously happy, I dare to say 99% of the time, but the 1% the little boxes are being touched life becomes very hard and difficult. I can still deal with it but they keep showing up when I least want it. So yes I need some help with that cause wouldn’t it be great if I were 100% of the time blissful? That’s my first mission………
so I stayed… 🙂
Last Friday I had my first active breathing meditation, which I will share with you in my next post, and how this gave me a great insight.
The whole idea with this blog for the next few weeks is 1) share with you what I am going through and 2) share with you my vision, wisdom, knowledge and everything that I’ve learned during my whole life. Why? Cause if it only helps one more person then this world is already a better place to live in, if it helps all 7,4 Billion of us then it would be paradise 😉